Very, very confused.

BC's a nice person to talk with. I just hope she knows I don't really mean the insults I say.
I know it was mean, but it's also kinda fun.
I mean, people tease me too but I recover and don't let it bother me (much).
I'm okay. Well, that could just be me... O_o;

This school year's confusing.
Mum just told me not to go and fail any subjects (something I've got a talent for, really) and basically, in Ana's words, "Don't give up, Leeann!"

Lea's always cheering me on, she's amazing like that. I'm sorry for whinging around her. She sounds really exasperated every time I do. "Lee... you know what I'm going to say already." Wow, I gotta watch that. I'm whinging too much.

Lolo's also there. Usually she'd be like, "AHHH, LEE ANN! Don't grow up to be like lolo!" It's not her fault, anyway. From all the lessons in Theology, the fault probably lies with me. Y'know, why my situation's like this.

Isa's nice enough to listen to me whenever I need to rant. She listened to me yesterday, at least. Kinda needed to talk...

It's just so hard to study, I don't get how people do it, what the hell, if I'm smart why can't I do it...

A little voice inside tells me I'm nothing, I'm just stupid, maybe I'm lucky I manage to get the answers. That people just say I'm smart, I mean, they do that with everyone.

I'm also scared to ask for help from people because I think I'm a burden, like I'll be wasting their time when I say I don't understand them and they have to repeat what they're trying to explain. I cringe inwardly when I imagine their exasperation that they may or may not be hiding inside when I take a while to understand something.

I felt happy when Sam Lim offered to teach me, despite the thoughts above clouding my mind already. Even though she tried to help, it was still hard to learn (in the middle of a class game) so... eh... >>;

I shouldn't be giving up? Ugh.

Also recently, I sort of discovered the ugly side of our batch. Like how I realized that cheating actually existed. I mean, I cheated only twice (as far as I remember) in Woodrose. One was a quiz (I didn't realize I was cheating) and the other one was during a game (I forgot my answer, looked at the person's beside me, remembered my answer, wrote it down, stupid stupid stupid how could I not know it was cheating? D:). Yeah. But those two acts of cheating shamed me enough to never attempt it again.

When teachers would talk about cheating, I thought it was like when they'd tell us to be quiet... Yeah, they tell us every year. I also found out how some people don't like this person, or how this person's being mean to that, etc etc.

Nasty shit. I mean, here I was thinking I was lucky to be in an awesome class since I can kinda talk to almost everyone.

I feel very lost.