Sad.

Oh dear Lord, help me.

Okay, so for a few days (it's either 1 or 2, I forgot) I think I was happy. [...Wow, I sound so emo.] Anyway, I had this awesome thing... Ricotta? Something like that. OK, sure, it had Spinach in it. But I didn't taste it and that thing was so damned good.

Also, Issa found my blog and I'm just like, YAY. =D Plus the stuff she says makes me happy. =] I love you Issa! Dude, you should meet my other friend... Isa. o_o; Why? Because I say so. The Isa/Issa people rock. =D

What is the other happy thing? Oh! Sophie came over to my house randomly. She only stayed for an hour though. :( I haven't seen anyone from the barkada for a week, until Sophie came. She brought another peace offering. xD

She wanted to celebrate my birthday [since she probably knows I suck at planning] and I told her there was a chance that I'd be in Bangkok for a while. So she was like, "Hey, we can celebrate when you get back. Heck, we'll pay for it. Anything to make you happy." :)

I'm glad I have them. Sometimes, I have suicidal thoughts [I'm pretty sure it happens to everyone. You get them once in a while or, in some cases, once a month. xD! HEY, it can happen! I think I know someone who's got PMS 24/7, but I'm blogging about ME.] and then I want to die. (Duh). Then I go, "Wait, no. I take it back. I have awesome friends. I'm not some loner emo... person.... thing without friends!"

Yeah...

Okay, now to rant. Brace yourselves. D: I'm sorry.

Dear Reader,

Hi. I'm Leeann. I can't use my cellphone to text or call anyone because it's being gay. So I can't reply to anyone OR rant properly. The internet is another fag, which only works like... Midnight onwards. So I wasn't able to talk to people online either. [...Shit, that internet comment was almost like how Sam can only use the internet every full moon. Wow, I'm so kawawa.]

Anyway, I'd just like to say that I felt like crying. [...But then I can't, when I tried to. WTF. So the only way I can let it out is by ranting. D: Sorry.] In 5 hours or so, I'm supposed to wake up so I can go to a review centre in Las Pinas. Ok, I know this is supposed to help me get into college somehow... But whatever.

1. Mum wants me to go to UP and not Ateneo [...HAHAHAHA ME?! IN UP?! I bet I'll die there. :|]
2. The Review Centre is gay. When I went there, I was grouchy and glaring at people. I wanted to pay them pa not to accept me but I didn't have money in the first place.
3. It's from today until May 16.
4. That kinda includes my birthday.
5. Which is close to Isa's.
6. So in other words, mum is dumping me in this program which costs 5,500 bucks so I won't get into Bangkok.

She said she knows how much I wanted to go to Bangkok. Seriously, I think I've looked forward to this for 6 months. Being poor sucks. :| One time, we ran out of gas for the stove... so when we wanted to cook food, we went to the garden and made a fire. :|

The review centre thing itself isn't the only thing that's pissing me off so bad. Ok, last May... was stupid. I don't like road trips with the family and the neighbours. Okay, the neighbours are okay at parties. But when we're 1000 km away from TVs with cable, internet, and all the other stuff that keep me UNbored, I will go crazy. The neighbours that come with us aren't my age. I stick out. They're like... the age of Naomi and Paul... or adults. :| Great. It's not that I have anything against them. It's just that I know I will be VERY VERY VERY BORED with NO ONE TO TALK TO... You know like, ANYONE THAT WILL UNDERSTAND ME.

This is like... talking with adults.

Me: I'm bored.
Adult: Aww, is it because you're OP (out of place) again?
Me: Eh... Kinda. I hate it here.
Adult: Hahahaha....

END.

:|

Other times naman, I feel like they read books on 'How to Communicate with your Teen/Child' and they're trying stuff on me.

So what's the new trip? On May 11, I'll go to Batangas. GREAT. RIGHT AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, WE'LL GO TO A FUCKING BEACH. [No offense to you beach lovers. It's just that I don't have any friends with me to enjoy it with. Again.]

Paul: What'll we do there?
Naomi: Can we swim?
Mum: Of course!

You guys know naman how I feel about swimming, right? -_-;;

After that... I'll got to BICOL on May 16.

Bicol, by the way, is 12 hours away from my place. So we'll probably be away from home for 10+ days. I knew something was fishy when Mum brought home a portable toilet. So we might go province hopping until we reach Bicol.

What will we do in Bicol? Probably MORE SWIMMING. GREAT, GUYS. DID YOU EVEN CARE TO ASK IF WE WANTED TO GO?! Some family trip. :|

Who are we going with to Bicol?

Tito Jie, Tita Elane, Carl, Lance, and Sidney. Yep, the same people from swimming. Oh, and Ninang Norie.

So... let's see who'll talk to who during the trip.

PEOPLE THAT WILL CONNECT.

Tito Jie <-> Tita Elane <-> Mum <-> Dad <-> Ninang Norie

Carl <-> Lance <-> Sidney <-> Naomi <-> Paul

Leeann

Ay. Look. No one for me to connect with.

Okay, I really really really wanted to go to Bangkok because I wanted to spend time with Isa and... I don't like road trips. I mean, I really really really want to go now so I don't have to go to Bicol or Batangas. I want a break. From like, the brain damage I got from being a Junior in Highschool. I want a break from my family. I don't mean to sound bad, it's just that sometimes they get on my nerves. I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled brat, okay?

I just don't want to see parents fighting. I don't want to quarrel with Naomi. Things like that...

I will glare at the teacher who bitches and tells us to shut up in class because we had a summer to enjoy. Bitch, try ENJOYING summer when you probably only had 2 weeks' worth of FUN.

Seriously. They made me swim, then they grounded me, they dumped me in some review centre, then they'll drag me to different places. I get grouchy in road trips. I won't be able to feel my butt. I get bored. Then dad plays WHAT THE HELL music. Naomi and Paul are too noisy. I can't shut them up because they'll only start again after 3 seconds.

You know, I still want to go to Bangkok. Or somewhere else... Anywhere but here, with my family.

Sometimes, I wonder... is it bad to want to be adopted? Sometimes, I really wish I could stay with some other family. I think I've had these 'I DON'T LIKE IT HERE, TAKE ME SOMEWHERE ELSE PLEASE' issues since... a long time ago. Maybe it started 4 or 6 years ago, I don't know.

It would have really rocked if I could go to Bangkok to stay with Isa's family. I remember when people would ask if I was going to Bangkok, I'd bluff and say I would. Because I thought... if I really wished and believed it would happen, it'd come true. I'd be able to go.

I talked with Lorena like... 12 hours ago. [It's midnight now, as I'm posting.] She was at the AHEAD review centre. She asked me if I was going to Thailand and I just... well, when we were in a place where mum couldn't hear me, I talked about it. I said I didn't think I could go, talked about how annoying it was that I couldn't. [Wow, look at me ranting. I bet one day I'll read this and go, "Damn, all about a BK trip."] She said, "Dude, why don't you go next year, like, when we all graduate?"

I just smiled. "I don't know..."

...It kinda made me think about my old classmates. I thought I'd be able to visit them too this summer. I thought, oh, I'll just go to HK before going to Bangkok. I'll just pass by, talk with them a little... CAMWHORE. But then when Lor mentioned graduate... My old classmates would graduate too. Would I ever see them again? I mean, knowing how friends or people I know have moved freaking EVERYWHERE... they'd probably move again right after they graduate. So how the hell am I ever going to see them again?

Now that I've ranted enough, I think I can go to bed.

And thus, I end... my emo rant.

Love,

Leeann