This IS my suckiest summer.

Okay, it's 6AM and I think I've just finished an hour of crying. I tried playing guitar kanina, but then I stopped and went over here. I think I might damage my guitar if I cry on it.

This summer sucks, it's all my fault, and I've let everyone down.

[You know, it's kinda bad... Like, when I was drinking medicine kanina, I just felt like overdosing on sleeping pills. I'm lucky I'm too tamad to look for them.]

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't even know if I'm entitled to an opinion.

All I can say is... this vacation has been the SUCKIEST ever. I thought this summer wouldn't suck since I had no summer extension classes. Parents said we wouldn't leave the country if we did.

Look.

I didn't have summer school. Neither did Naomi. DID WE LEAVE THE COUNTRY?! NOOOO. :|

I should never have believed. Fucking false hope, I'm never believing again.

This summer was so filled with shit. Minus the times spent with the barkada and other hangouts with freeloaders... Which might have consisted of a week at ATC and a few days at Sophie's house.

Matilda died, she's gone, I'm still kinda mad if I think about it so I try not to dwell on the thought. Oh and apparently, I think we still have family problems like... My cousins aren't allowed to call me. Us. Whatever. When was the last fucking time I saw them? January 6?

Anyway, mum didn't approve of my barkada teaching me on Saturday morning. I'm sorry, guys. I shouldn't have asked nalang. It really sucks, since almost everyone in the barkada [Except for Kat Perts and Carmel, I don't think I got their numbers] said they'd go.

Mum wants me to be able to do laps, all the freaking strokes in swimming. That's like hoping for me to be a lawyer. >_> Why do they want that? It's for my own good, so they won't worry in case I FALL OFF A FUCKING BOAT, get pushed into a swimming pool, or in case a PLANE FLIES INTO THE OCEAN. Wow, totally prepared. I thought that the main point was that I SWIM. I vaguely remember my mum saying that I should AT LEAST be able to swim in really deep waters.

Okay, reasons why I didn't want to swim:

1. I don't like swimming. Period.
2. Giving me lessons in something I don't like is pointless. Something that took 2 weeks for my parents to realize.
3. I could be doing other things.

So yes, I'm a spoiled brat. I want everything to go my way. I'm being stubborn. [Wow, I remember what my mum said.]

It sucks, okay. It kinda stabs when they comment. I don't like their comments. I can talk about it but then it'd be bad. Maybe I should just crawl back in bed and cry. I don't care that I'll have guitar in 3 hours and 40 minutes. Maybe I'll just cancel it or something. I don't... really care about anything anymore. I just want to escape.

Yes, it's the emo rant. I don't even know if I have the right to, since people usually tell losers that rant about their emoness to shut the fuck up.

So I'll stop.