I found the dad version!

My parents are in China and have just met the girlfriend of a family friend. This is our conversation via gchat.

me: what’s she like?
dad: thin
pale face
cool palms
we touch her hands
not warm
her hands are not warm

Dad's grocery shopping list:

Food.

Dad: When migraine geeks
Me: Migraine?
Dad: Sorry, I mean migrating geeks.
Me: Migrating geeks?
Dad: Yeah. Goose. Plural is geeks.
Me: You mean geese.

While vacationing in Xi’an, my dad explained the story of Emperor Xuanzong and his favorite concubine, Yang Guifei.

Me: WHAT? He had that many wives??!
Dad: Yes, but Yang Guifei was his favorite cucumber.

I don’t talk to my dad often while I’m in school, but I was panicking about my immense amount of work and, seeking reassurance, had the following text conversation with him:

me: So I should just be able to work all night and get it done, right?

(a minute later)
me: Well?
Dad: I hope so!

(7 minutes later)
Dad: A hole in the ground with water in it.
me: What??
Dad: A well.

t was the morning of my twenty third birthday and I get a call from my Dad.

Dad: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!
Me: Dad, I’m 23 today.
Dad: 23? You know, If you don’t get married in the next two years you are going to die alone.
Me: Um, Thanks dad I have to go.

My eight-year-old cousin was playing Pokemon recently, and he was trying to figure out which Pokemon he should pitch against a gym leader that specialized in Bug Pokemon.

I suggested to him that he could use Fire and Flying Pokemon. He didn’t believe me and went to ask my dad.

My dad told him he could use Bug Spray…

Conversation with my father, via texts:

Dad: We have decided to go for scrap rice tomorrow. You’ll like it.
Jenny: Dad do you mean crab rice tomorrow?
Dad: And steamed pawn. Its really nice.

Me: What’s wrong with me driving?
Dad: You drive, car accident, kill people, sue our house and take money, you injure cannot go back to school, take away your scholarship, now family have no money to pay for Berkeley, you get kick out of Columbia, we have no home – all because you want drive.
Me: Okay.

A few years ago my mum went away for a few days on a vacation, leaving me, my dad and two younger brothers to fend for ourselves.

My dad was making sandwiches for my brother’s lunch, and asked him:

Dad: Do you like beef?
Leon: Yeah.
Dad: Do you like Nutella?
Leon: Yeah, that’s nice.

Imagine his surprise when he opened his lunchbox to find a beef and Nutella sandwich inside.

[Aww. My dad makes takoyaki. xD]