This is so stupid.

I am feeling down because I haven't really seen or spoken to any of my close friends in person for the longest time. Well, okay, maybe a week + a few days.

And during that time of... not talking or seeing them, I think I'm going a bit crazy and paranoid. For some reason, I end up thinking that I'm not allowed to talk to them anymore. That they're too busy to talk me and that I shouldn't try talking to them anymore.

There's also that strange paranoid feeling that they're mad at me or disappointed with me. And, as how I usually act when I think someone's mad at me, I just drift out of talking with them. Why? I'm scared of confrontations. So even if it kills me, I just stay out of their lives because I think it's making things easier for the us.

BUT REALLY, IT'S KILLING ME.

What's worse is that the only person who constantly talks to me sounds like a CLINGY mother. He asks me more questions than my mother na, ha. Like does he have to know EVERY little thing I'm doing? It's not touching or anything, it's just really annoying. I need to talk or to SEE and hang with a close friend, not... that.

I think I'm being ungrateful. I want to talk to someone and here's someone who wants to listen. But the thing is... it's just not the right person. I want to hang with someone who has known me for years. Not some feeling close person.

Sometimes I can think clearly, okay, but I lose it quickly and I just end up being confused and end up feeling like I'm not worth the space I take up in this planet because people are either mad at me or disappointed in me.